Where Baby Goons Come From

Here’s how Goons are born.

Since all of us have sex twice a day on a fairly regular basis, you’d think Goon Island would be wall-to-wall Goons. However, there have always been about a hundred Goons on the Island as long as anyone can remember. In don’t know how this works exactly, but Goons don’t get pregnant unless we’re short handed for some reason.

Like the time we had to eat some of the kids. They somehow got infected with the idea that they had a right to express their individuality by cutting their arm and leg and pelvic hair in odd ways. Things like this happen, and most of the kids came around eventually, but a couple of them actually said they’d rather die than give up their individuality. Well, sometimes you get what you ask for.

So we were suddenly short a few Goons, and presto, a few of the gals got pregnant. It just seems to work that way.

Goons have a gestation period of three months more or less, and when little Goons pop out, they’re up and running around in about an hour. Man, they can run around. And they’re born with healthy appetites and a full set of teeth, so they don’t require much looking after. They’re pretty much just miniature versions of adult Goons, but with twice the energy. It only takes them a couple of days to catch on to the routine here on the Island, and they start puling their weight right away, catching fish, gathering fruits and greens, etc.

What they don’t do is have sex right away. That takes about a year. By the time they’re a year old, they’re at full size and they’ve watched everybody else having sex twice a day for quite a while. So when they’re finally interested and able, they know the routine.

Since we have sex so much and the kids set up so quickly, we don’t really have much parental bonding. It’s just about impossible to tell who is responsible for siring whom in any case, and a female’s job is pretty much over when the kid gets up and starts running around.

So, once we’re back up to full strength again, nobody gets pregnant until we need some more Goons.

Your average Goon has a lifespan of about 30 years, which is plenty of time to enjoy yourself considering we’re basically adults from the time we’re one year old. And we don’t really age much…at 30, we’re in about the same shape as we were in when we were one, so there isn’t much forewarning before we check out. I guess it’s like the pregnancy thing – when it’s time, it’s time, and 30 seems to be the time for checking out.

So depending on where we’re all at age- and population-wise, we might sometimes go a year or two without a birth on the Island, but there are usually at least a couple of kids running around to liven things up.

So there you go – more than you wanted to know about Goon reproduction.

If you want the specifics of how we have sex…well, just come on out to the Island and spend the night. There might be some dishes at the bar-b-que you’ll want to pass up (assuming you’re not one yourself), but once the singing and dancing and sex starts up, you’ll find out all about it.